In the midst of searching the meaning of ——

What is life for you? Does it have a definition to explain what life actually is?
For me it has different meanings at my different phases of life.
When I was eight, life means keeping everyone around you.
When I was twelve, life means doing whatever your parents ask you to do.
When I was fourteen, life means resisting whatever your parents ask you to do.
When I was fifteen, life means doing things you don't dare to do.
When I was seventeen, life means winning everything.
When I was twenty, life is a maze.
I am 21, still 21. What does it mean to me?
It is a battle for me.
And I am heading to 22, yet still in the midst of finding what life means to me.
Game? Competition? Show?
Nope.
A journey? Maybe, a journey.
A journey of keep searching the meaning of life.
A journey of keep losing yourself and finding yourself back.
A journey of keep hating yourself and loving yourself.
A journey of keep leaving apart and getting along.
A journey of keep discovering your new self and yearning your old self.
A journey of keep meeting new people and losing old people.
A journey of keep trying and giving up.

But why journey?
After March maybe?
And after June again maybe?
Maybe I'll be able to explain that time. Maybe.

Am I saying maybe too much?
Maybe.

Will be back.
Not too soon, maybe?

Happy 2017 by the way.
I was really, really looking forward to 2017.


Loves, 
Aly.

Life is a journey of having different backgrounds for PowerPoint slides at different years of uni. 

Last Update for 2016: Blessed

I uploaded a photo on IG, a selca with my handwritten "Blessed" on 27 Nov 2016. My caption is "With all the good things, people and food in my life. Been taking them for granted."

In fact, this wasn't all I wanted to say. I typed for almost half an hour for the caption, and deleted it all. 

Too cheesy. I said to myself.

I am not willing to show this side to every follower. They might think I am proposing the IG post to someone specifically.

So here I am, writing the cheesy and long and original caption of the photo, that had been laying quietly in my phone memo.

Here you go:

The year is coming to an end and I think I would call it a "okay-lah-not-too-bad' year. Luckiest thing is, I still have my favorite bunch of people around me (I think they love me a little bit too much, can't help). 

And I'm blessed, that I met way more good people than bad people in 2016. 

Some stay, some don't, and I'm still not sure whether I should be glad or sad.

"I'm glad I won't be seeing them anymore."

"I'm sad they ain't gonna stay."

Both inner conversations happened. How.

To be honest I'm already looking forward for 2017 (well despite the fact that it makes me one year older), for the things and people that are already waiting for me in the coming year, I hope I'll see you with a better self.

#CheesiestCaptionEver

#IWouldProbablyRegretPostingThis

#ButLetMeBeExpressiveThisTime

#DontMentionThisInFrontOfMeHahaha

#DontLaughAtMeCauseIAlreadyDid

#LoveMeMoreOkay

Look at the crazy hashtags, I said I'd probably regret posting it. But no, I ditched this caption and I've no chance to regret anything. 

When I reread this I was like OMG this is so unstructured, the flow is messy and people might not get what I mean. But this is what I wanted to say. 

I even had an idea of tagging my friends in this post and ask them to list out 3 things they feel blessed for. Ah-ha. 

At the end I decided to keep this with myself and whoever bumped into this post, reading the original caption of the IG post. 

I actually made a video, a compilation of funny and memorable snaps of 2016. 

Still don't know whether I'm gonna post it or not. 

Huh. WHY U SO TROUBLESOME? 

My god, wait, this is getting out of topic. 

What's our topic today?

Oh, it's about the last post in 2016. 

Hmm, lemme think what to say....

...

...

Hmm...

...

...

...

I'll see you in 2017. 

Loves, 

Aly.

Attachment:

Aly's2016Summary.docx

Error: Attachment unavailable cause she forgot what she did in early 2016 (Jan-June) except going to Kelantan



.

Soon

It's like a page of my life that I've been trying so hard to turn it.

I couldn't figure it out. I was stuck there. I had no idea what to do with my future. I asked myself 'what am I doing with my life' almost everyday. The question popped up when I saw someone successful, someone who were happy with what were they doing.

And then I asked for advices. What disappointed me the most was they just kept asking why didn't I just continue my studies in the previous university.
"I don't understand why you did that." They said.
Me neither.

I was so panic.
I moved furthur.
To someone more experienced.
Someone I barely met told me to continue what am I doing right now.
So I did.
I enrolled myself to another university.
The offer letter is now on my hand.
I wish this time I figured it out.
I wish this is the right choice.
And here, I will be turning a new page of my life.
Soon.
Very soon.

Best wishes.
To me, myself.

Dear housemates...

I just finished my diploma, never knew it could be that fast.

I actually cried when I left my hostel, it was really hard to smile while saying goodbye to them, my lovely housemates. I burst into tears as soon as they close the door, it was really heartbreaking, I didn't know why but I felt really sad. I didn't wanna leave them. There're lots of memories that I can't believe it could be that much, I'd think of them out of even the slightest thing.

I wont't forget the moment we went 99 speed mart and shopped for hour; the moment we laughed at "tuts my barreh" video; the moment we ate McDonald's ice cream together; the moment we rushed for assignments together; the moment we studied so hard and burned midnight oil for finals together; the moment we sang and produced MV together; the moment we had steamboat; the moment we countdown for new year; the moment we slept and woke up at 4 together just for McDonald's breakfast; the moment we joked; the moment we imagined something that would not happen forever; the moment we gossiped together.

I really appreciate the moment being together with them.

Never knew it could be so hard to say goodbye.
Never knew I would miss them that much.

I still remember the day I went back to hometown. They started a conversation in group, saying how empty the room was after we left. I couldn't hold it anymore and I just ran into study room and cried. They're so warm. They still have exam on the next day. I could imagine how they cried and studied at the same time.

I really love them, I'm blessed to be their housemates.

I won't forget the first met and the first conversation among us, it's about constipation and shit. Weird huh?
Yes, and they started to influence me with their weirdness.
I think that's the reason we became close, cause they're limitless.
So am I.

I wanted to post a photo of four of us but I realized we don't have one. Because they are already like family, I think. :)

I'll visit you guys frequently.

Loves,
Aly.