Twenty-two

Being 22 makes me feel a little bit more courageous.
Maybe growing up is a good thing.
I used to hate growing up.
My 21st birthday was terrible, I was panic.
I didn't wanna grow up and be an adult.
I even blocked people to wish on my FB timeline.
But hey, I received so much love on my 22nd birthday.
I wonder is it because of the sea.
Ahha.
On my 20th birthday I went to the beach with mum and bro.
And on 22nd birthday I went to the beach with ManYee and Bear.
They drove all the way from Puchong/ Rawang and fetched me to the beach.
Can't thank them enough.
One of the best memories of the trip is laying on the seashore at night talking.
That is the thing I wanna do the most.
Gazing the stars, planes flying low overhead.
I was touched by everything around me, the waves, the wind, everything.
You know I actually took a moment of gratitude for being able to feel like that.
Finale was around the corner that time but I was still able to relax.
The beach was magical.
Really.
Oh right, I said I was really looking forward for 2017 right.
Here it comes.
It's March, the month I'd been waiting for since last year.
An adventurous yet spiritual journey is awaiting me.
And after that, I hope I'll be able to make it to Kelantan.
I really miss the food there, and of course the fresh air.
And again, an oversea trip with Shunvs.
Can't wait.
Have to work harder to earn money tho.
Still, 2017 is gonna be a memorable year.

Loves,
Aly.

I swear I thought I'd have everything figured out at this age. 

In the midst of searching the meaning of ——

What is life for you? Does it have a definition to explain what life actually is?
For me it has different meanings at my different phases of life.
When I was eight, life means keeping everyone around you.
When I was twelve, life means doing whatever your parents ask you to do.
When I was fourteen, life means resisting whatever your parents ask you to do.
When I was fifteen, life means doing things you don't dare to do.
When I was seventeen, life means winning everything.
When I was twenty, life is a maze.
I am 21, still 21. What does it mean to me?
It is a battle for me.
And I am heading to 22, yet still in the midst of finding what life means to me.
Game? Competition? Show?
Nope.
A journey? Maybe, a journey.
A journey of keep searching the meaning of life.
A journey of keep losing yourself and finding yourself back.
A journey of keep hating yourself and loving yourself.
A journey of keep leaving apart and getting along.
A journey of keep discovering your new self and yearning your old self.
A journey of keep meeting new people and losing old people.
A journey of keep trying and giving up.

But why journey?
After March maybe?
And after June again maybe?
Maybe I'll be able to explain that time. Maybe.

Am I saying maybe too much?
Maybe.

Will be back.
Not too soon, maybe?

Happy 2017 by the way.
I was really, really looking forward to 2017.


Loves, 
Aly.

Life is a journey of having different backgrounds for PowerPoint slides at different years of uni.