Twenty-two

Being 22 makes me feel a little bit more courageous.
Maybe growing up is a good thing.
I used to hate growing up.
My 21st birthday was terrible, I was panic.
I didn't wanna grow up and be an adult.
I even blocked people to wish on my FB timeline.
But hey, I received so much love on my 22nd birthday.
I wonder is it because of the sea.
Ahha.
On my 20th birthday I went to the beach with mum and bro.
And on 22nd birthday I went to the beach with ManYee and Bear.
They drove all the way from Puchong/ Rawang and fetched me to the beach.
Can't thank them enough.
One of the best memories of the trip is laying on the seashore at night talking.
That is the thing I wanna do the most.
Gazing the stars, planes flying low overhead.
I was touched by everything around me, the waves, the wind, everything.
You know I actually took a moment of gratitude for being able to feel like that.
Finale was around the corner that time but I was still able to relax.
The beach was magical.
Really.
Oh right, I said I was really looking forward for 2017 right.
Here it comes.
It's March, the month I'd been waiting for since last year.
An adventurous yet spiritual journey is awaiting me.
And after that, I hope I'll be able to make it to Kelantan.
I really miss the food there, and of course the fresh air.
And again, an oversea trip with Shunvs.
Can't wait.
Have to work harder to earn money tho.
Still, 2017 is gonna be a memorable year.

Loves,
Aly.

I swear I thought I'd have everything figured out at this age. 

In the midst of searching the meaning of ——

What is life for you? Does it have a definition to explain what life actually is?
For me it has different meanings at my different phases of life.
When I was eight, life means keeping everyone around you.
When I was twelve, life means doing whatever your parents ask you to do.
When I was fourteen, life means resisting whatever your parents ask you to do.
When I was fifteen, life means doing things you don't dare to do.
When I was seventeen, life means winning everything.
When I was twenty, life is a maze.
I am 21, still 21. What does it mean to me?
It is a battle for me.
And I am heading to 22, yet still in the midst of finding what life means to me.
Game? Competition? Show?
Nope.
A journey? Maybe, a journey.
A journey of keep searching the meaning of life.
A journey of keep losing yourself and finding yourself back.
A journey of keep hating yourself and loving yourself.
A journey of keep leaving apart and getting along.
A journey of keep discovering your new self and yearning your old self.
A journey of keep meeting new people and losing old people.
A journey of keep trying and giving up.

But why journey?
After March maybe?
And after June again maybe?
Maybe I'll be able to explain that time. Maybe.

Am I saying maybe too much?
Maybe.

Will be back.
Not too soon, maybe?

Happy 2017 by the way.
I was really, really looking forward to 2017.


Loves, 
Aly.

Life is a journey of having different backgrounds for PowerPoint slides at different years of uni. 

Last Update for 2016: Blessed

I uploaded a photo on IG, a selca with my handwritten "Blessed" on 27 Nov 2016. My caption is "With all the good things, people and food in my life. Been taking them for granted."

In fact, this wasn't all I wanted to say. I typed for almost half an hour for the caption, and deleted it all. 

Too cheesy. I said to myself.

I am not willing to show this side to every follower. They might think I am proposing the IG post to someone specifically.

So here I am, writing the cheesy and long and original caption of the photo, that had been laying quietly in my phone memo.

Here you go:

The year is coming to an end and I think I would call it a "okay-lah-not-too-bad' year. Luckiest thing is, I still have my favorite bunch of people around me (I think they love me a little bit too much, can't help). 

And I'm blessed, that I met way more good people than bad people in 2016. 

Some stay, some don't, and I'm still not sure whether I should be glad or sad.

"I'm glad I won't be seeing them anymore."

"I'm sad they ain't gonna stay."

Both inner conversations happened. How.

To be honest I'm already looking forward for 2017 (well despite the fact that it makes me one year older), for the things and people that are already waiting for me in the coming year, I hope I'll see you with a better self.

#CheesiestCaptionEver

#IWouldProbablyRegretPostingThis

#ButLetMeBeExpressiveThisTime

#DontMentionThisInFrontOfMeHahaha

#DontLaughAtMeCauseIAlreadyDid

#LoveMeMoreOkay

Look at the crazy hashtags, I said I'd probably regret posting it. But no, I ditched this caption and I've no chance to regret anything. 

When I reread this I was like OMG this is so unstructured, the flow is messy and people might not get what I mean. But this is what I wanted to say. 

I even had an idea of tagging my friends in this post and ask them to list out 3 things they feel blessed for. Ah-ha. 

At the end I decided to keep this with myself and whoever bumped into this post, reading the original caption of the IG post. 

I actually made a video, a compilation of funny and memorable snaps of 2016. 

Still don't know whether I'm gonna post it or not. 

Huh. WHY U SO TROUBLESOME? 

My god, wait, this is getting out of topic. 

What's our topic today?

Oh, it's about the last post in 2016. 

Hmm, lemme think what to say....

...

...

Hmm...

...

...

...

I'll see you in 2017. 

Loves, 

Aly.

Attachment:

Aly's2016Summary.docx

Error: Attachment unavailable cause she forgot what she did in early 2016 (Jan-June) except going to Kelantan



.

Soon

It's like a page of my life that I've been trying so hard to turn it.

I couldn't figure it out. I was stuck there. I had no idea what to do with my future. I asked myself 'what am I doing with my life' almost everyday. The question popped up when I saw someone successful, someone who were happy with what were they doing.

And then I asked for advices. What disappointed me the most was they just kept asking why didn't I just continue my studies in the previous university.
"I don't understand why you did that." They said.
Me neither.

I was so panic.
I moved furthur.
To someone more experienced.
Someone I barely met told me to continue what am I doing right now.
So I did.
I enrolled myself to another university.
The offer letter is now on my hand.
I wish this time I figured it out.
I wish this is the right choice.
And here, I will be turning a new page of my life.
Soon.
Very soon.

Best wishes.
To me, myself.